Chapter 8 Spiritual Surgery: Forgiveness
p 151 Community always involves a kind of promise, whether or not it ever gets stated out loud. It is a promise of commitment and loyalty. When that promise gets broken, so does someone's heart.
p 152 Forgiveness is the only force strong enough to heal relationships damaged by hatred and betrayal.
p 156 But forgiveness does not come cheap.
p 157 Some things forgiveness is NOT:
1. Forgiving is not excusing - forgiving doesn't mean tolerating or pretending. When an action is excusable - it doesn't require forgiveness.
2. Forgiving is not forgetting - forgiving is what's required precisely when we can't forget.
3. Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciling.
p 158 Forgiveness takes place in the heart of one human being. It can be granted even if the other person does not ask for it or deserve it.
p 158 Forgiveness begins when we give up the quest to get even. This is difficult because getting even is the natural obsession of the wounded soul.
p 159 Of course, letting go of vengeance doesn't mean letting go of justice. Justice must still be honored.
p 159 The next stage of forgiveness involves a new way of seeing and feeling.
p 160 The third stage of forgiving, the one that shows you have begun to make some real progress, is when you find yourself wishing the other person well.
p 160 God commands us to forgive because it is the best way to live.
p 164 If you don't forgive - if you let pride, resentment, stubbornness, and defensiveness stand in your way - you become a hard and bitter person. You carry a burden that will crush the humanity out of your spirit. You will grow a little colder every day. You will die.
p 165 True forgiveness is never cheap. Hurt is deep; hurt is unfair.
p 166 Don't forgive, and your anger will become your burden. Don't forgive, and bit by bit all the joy will be choked out of you. Don't forgive, and you will be unable to trust anybody, ever again. Don't forgive, and the bitterness will crowd the compassion out of your heart slowly, utterly, forever.