March 2, 2012

Snow and other weirdness

These are photos from my front yard this morning... crazy!  I was NOT looking for a snowstorm this week, in fact, I have a catalog for garden seeds on my nightstand right now and had begun entertaining thoughts of attempting to grow things again this summer. *sigh*  In time I suppose... all this white stuff has to melt soon.. right?
It has been sort of a weird week here in a few ways - not just because of the crazy snow.
Steve and I celebrated our 16th year of wedded wonderful-ness on the 29th of February.  We only have an actual day on the calendar once in 4 years, so this was big.  Normally I would be spoiled with some amazing present from this incredible man who loves me so much, this year we have had some other family financial obligations that trumped frivolous expressions of love (like kitten leg surgery and a new car engine).  I guess this is what happens to old married people. :-)   It is all good - our family come first always and I already have more than enough of everything... I am most blessed among women.
We spent the day together as a family - made it a school holiday for the kids and enjoyed a nice day.  We even had a lovely dinner out together while the kids were at youth group.  I don't remember the last time we sat in a mostly empty restaurant and just talked for an hour after dinner.  It was really great.  Of course the fact that it was a Wednesday off of normal life, and then we had the snowstorm come through and messed up our 'normal' again on Thursday sort of has me all off-kilter now.

Most of the weirdness has been internal for me - emotional & spiritual - as I'm struggling to find some answers and direction with some heavy things in my life. I long desperately to be useful for God... to have my heart broken for the things that break His heart... to serve & love the way Jesus does (and did during his ministry).  To not just have a vertical faith - but to live my faith horizontally.  I want to be a conduit for God's grace in this broken world.

I'm reading a few books at the moment and two of them are about trusting God.  One is for my regular ladies bible study group on Monday nights and the other is part of a daily devotional series I bought through Vision Forum.  Both are excellent.
Today in the devotional book, the author shared 3 scriptures that really struck me.

"Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.  He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD." ~Deuteronomy 8:2-3

I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.  ~ Job 42:2

Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful. ~James 5:11
And then during my regular prayer time and scripture reading I came across this one:
I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself,
    that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps.
Correct me, O Lord, but in justice;
    not in your anger, lest you bring me to nothing. ~Jeremiah 10:23-24

I know God is trying to teach me some hard things... and I know that I am often slow to hear/learn.  I'm very grateful for His infinite mercy & amazing patience with me as I struggle to sort out lessons, truth and direction.  I pray from the depths of my heart for wisdom, discernment and clarity.  I trust Him and know that he has a Sovereign plan.  I long to be part of His Kingdom work in my everyday and anxiously await more and more of Him being poured into my heart/soul/mind so that I might be more like Jesus.

Blessings on the journey~