I've also been spending some time poking around various blogs, some of the 'mommy' variety, a few homeschooling ones, the occasional sewing find, a bunch of 'frugal/money' type, and most importantly, several that are devoted to God's truth being shared for women specifically.
God is really speaking to me in a lot of areas right now and it feels a bit overwhelming and chaotic on the surface, but deep down in my heart I feel peaceful, loved and cared for ...like a small, beloved child being taught important things.
I have often felt that my life is sort of in a series of boxes. Each related, but distinct and generally separated on some level from the rest. I know this is not a truth per se, but just a general feeling of how things flow at various times and seasons for me.
I am first and foremost a follower of Christ. Stumblingly, imperfectly, forgiven and starting again daily I seek to live in God's will for my life and bring Him glory.
This has not always been the case, even though I was saved (born again, redeemed, etc. choose your favorite term) as a child - I think I was about 8 or 10 years old - I have not always lived my faith. This is not a fact I am proud of by any stretch, but it is a fact nonetheless. By God's amazing grace and faithfulness, I found my way back about 9 or 10 years ago and have been blessed by a steady growth of my faith and strengthening of all I believe as I study the Bible and draw closer to my Savior. I have also been blessed beyond measure to see 3 of our children and my husband come to faith in Christ during the last 9 years also.
Secondly I am a beloved wife to an awesome man and a (mostly) devoted mother to my terrific children. These two roles are my highest calling and dearest ministry on the planet.
I also home educate our youngest two children, so I am a teacher. I am a student in that I try to read/learn new things regularly. I am a daughter. I am a friend. I am a quilter and seamstress. I am an aspiring cook/baker. I am the acting CFO of our family life. I am generally the caretaker of the furry creatures that love us. I am a less than stellar house-keeper (though I try to be better all the time). I am passionately politically conservative and incorrect. I am a believer in absolute truth and see things very often in terms of right and wrong. I am aspiring to become a better steward and more frugal in our finances and living. I am a very slow and not very committed runner.
I am many things and yet I am just one.... me.
As random as all this may seem, it is all part of a process I am working through to attempt to un-compartmentalize (is that a word?) my life. I don't like fragments generally. I want to seamlessly live a life that is pleasing to God while fulfilling all the work He has set before me. I don't want to miss His best for me because I am chasing loose ends flapping in the breeze of my life.
Much of my studies and reading lately have focused on truly trusting God...with everything. I have a sense of being on the brink of something, yet have no idea what it may be. Sort of like standing at a cross-road or at the edge of a staircase, but I can't see either road or step. It's weird, exciting, terrifying, and yet I'm not scared. I'm more anxiously excited to see what God is about to do.
I have learned a few things recently that struck me as profound.
- God has a perfect plan and it will not be thwarted by anything I do or do not do
- He can use me for His purposes if I am willing and obedient.
- His ways are not my ways and how He will accomplish something is probably not going to be the way I expect or would even choose.
- He can use something we see as dreadful to accomplish something wonderful.
- He sees what I will become and that is like Christ. (How cool is THAT!?!)
- God loves me...completely... totally...unconditionally... now. (That one is really beyond amazing!)
- Jeremiah 29:11 is true even when I have no idea what is happening or will happen next.