June 18, 2010

Musing about life

I've been thinking a lot lately about life...specifically my life (and by extension my family's life).  I've also been doing a bit more reading than usual, even for me.  I have finished a few books in the last week or so, and am working through two different Bible study books right now.
I've also been spending some time poking around various blogs, some of the 'mommy' variety, a few homeschooling ones, the occasional sewing find, a bunch of 'frugal/money' type, and most importantly, several that are devoted to God's truth being shared for women specifically.
God is really speaking to me in a lot of areas right now and it feels a bit overwhelming and chaotic on the surface, but deep down in my heart I feel peaceful, loved and cared for ...like a small, beloved child being taught important things.
I have often felt that my life is sort of in a series of boxes.  Each related, but distinct and generally separated on some level from the rest.  I know this is not a truth per se, but just a general feeling of how things flow at various times and seasons for me.
I am first and foremost a follower of Christ.  Stumblingly, imperfectly, forgiven and starting again daily I seek to live in God's will for my life and bring Him glory.
This has not always been the case, even though I was saved (born again, redeemed, etc. choose your favorite term) as a child - I think I was about 8 or 10 years old - I have not always lived my faith.  This is not a fact I am proud of by any stretch, but it is a fact nonetheless.  By God's amazing grace and faithfulness, I found my way back about 9 or 10 years ago and have been blessed by a steady growth of my faith and strengthening of all I believe as I study the Bible and draw closer to my Savior.  I have also been blessed beyond measure to see 3 of our children and my husband come to faith in Christ during the last 9 years also.
Secondly I am a beloved wife to an awesome man and a (mostly) devoted mother to my terrific children.  These two roles are my highest calling and dearest ministry on the planet.
I also home educate our youngest two children, so I am a teacher.  I am a student in that I try to read/learn new things regularly.  I am a daughter.  I am a friend.  I am a quilter and seamstress.  I am an aspiring cook/baker.  I am the acting CFO of our family life.  I am generally the caretaker of the furry creatures that love us.  I am a less than stellar house-keeper (though I try to be better all the time).  I am passionately politically conservative and incorrect. I am a believer in absolute truth and see things very often in terms of right and wrong.  I am aspiring to become a better steward and more frugal in our finances and living.  I am a very slow and not very committed runner.
I am many things and yet I am just one.... me.
As random as all this may seem, it is all part of a process I am working through to attempt to un-compartmentalize (is that a word?) my life.  I don't like fragments generally.  I want to seamlessly live a life that is pleasing to God while fulfilling all the work He has set before me.   I don't want to miss His best for me because I am chasing loose ends flapping in the breeze of my life.
Much of my studies and reading lately have focused on truly trusting God...with everything.  I have a sense of being on the brink of something, yet have no idea what it may be.  Sort of like standing at a cross-road or at the edge of a staircase, but I can't see either road or step.  It's weird, exciting, terrifying, and yet I'm not scared.  I'm more anxiously excited to see what God is about to do.

I have learned a few things recently that struck me as profound.
  • God has a perfect plan and it will not be thwarted by anything I do or do not do
  • He can use me for His purposes if I am willing and obedient.
  • His ways are not my ways and how He will accomplish something is probably not going to be the way I expect or would even choose.
  • He can use something we see as dreadful to accomplish something wonderful.
  • He sees what I will become and that is like Christ.  (How cool is THAT!?!)
  • God loves me...completely... totally...unconditionally... now. (That one is really beyond amazing!)
  • Jeremiah 29:11 is true even when I have no idea what is happening or will happen next.
 Blessings on the journey ~