Chapter 7 Lines

Chapter 7  Community is worth fighting for: Conflict

"Communities need tensions if they are to grow and deepen. Tensions come from conflicts...  A tension or difficulty can signal the approach of a new grace of God. But it has to be looked at wisely and humanly. " ~Jean Vanier

p 127  There is no greater challenge in building community than to master the art of handling anger and conflict.  ..we must consider how important this topic is in God's eyes. It is both remarkable and appalling that by and large in churches today, we are not scandalized by broken relationships and chronic enmity between people.  We are not scandalized by lack of love.
But Jesus is.

p 128  We have been invited into the Fellowship of the Trinity. When we violate oneness, when we contribute to relational brokenness, it doesn't just affect us and the other person.  We are contributing to the destruction of that which is most prized by God and was purchased by him at greatest cost - the oneness of the Trinitarian community.

p 130  Matthew 18:15 may be the single most violated of all the instructions Jesus gave the human race.

p 131  To be alive means to be in conflict.  It's part of the dance of the porcupines. People may not be normal, but conflict surely is - at least in our world.

p 132  Interestingly, while Jesus tells his hearers they should take the responsibility to set things right if the other person has sinned, in another setting (Matt 5:23-24) he tells his hearers to take the first step if they are the ones in the wrong.  Jesus puts the burden on you in both cases.
Why?  Because people who value community are people who own responsibility to deal with relational breakdowns.

p 132  "Go" Jesus says. Take action. Don't let resentment fester.

p 133  Anger exists to tell you something is wrong and to move you to action.  Anger exists so you will be motivated to make it go away.  However, remember Proverbs 14:17 and Ephesians 4:26.

p 134-135 Causes of our anger? Fear? Frustration? Hurt? What outcome do we want? to win? to hurt someone?

p 136  Sometimes you should become angry. However even then you still must decide how to express your anger.

p 138 Conflict is inevitable. Resentment is optional.

p 139  The need for sensitivity is one of the most important - and often misunderstood - aspects of healthy anger management.

p 141 The simplest guideline is to approach the other people the way you would want to be approached in their place.

p 142  We must speak truth in love - clearly.

p 143  The goal in conflict resolution is not to win or score points - it's reconciliation.  Your aim should be to restore the relationship.  Reconciliation is rarely simple and almost never quick.

p 144  Direct confrontation doesn't always do good.  Sometimes it escalates the conflict. Sometimes it leads to violence. Confrontation can do tremendous damage. Then we need a miracle.  God created one.  It's called forgiveness - that's in the next chapter.

Chapter 5 - Lines

Chapter 5  Put Down Your Stones: Acceptance

p 89  You and I were made to be in the life-saving business. Mostly the life lines we have to offer are words.  Every word we speak has the power either to give a little life to people or to destroy a little bit of their spirit and vitality.

p 94  We are most scandalized by sins of the flesh.  Jesus was most scandalized by sins of the spirit.

p 99  Condemnation and judgement have become so deeply rooted in the human spirit that most of us can't imagine having to function without them.

p 101  People need more than toleration.  Bertrand Russell wrote, "A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relationships. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation."   (OUCH!)

p 101 Acceptance is an act of the heart. To accept someone is to affirm to them that you think it's a very good thing they are alive.

p 102  This is very important: acceptance is NOT the same thing as tolerating any behavior one chooses to indulge in. (emphasis mine) Accepting another human being does not mean we refuse to confront or challenge that in them which could harm others and damage their soul.
Failure to confront, to speak the truth in love, can ultimately be as fatal to community as judgementalism.

Chapter 4 - Lines

Part 2 - How to get close without getting hurt
Chapter 4 Unveiled Faces: Authenticity

p 69  The decision to sin always includes the thought that I cannot really trust God to watch out for my well-being.

p 72  [In the Fall] The man and the woman decide there is something they want more than community with God. They do not trust Him. They disobey. - sin always kills relationship.

p 74  To know and be known - which had always been the greatest joy of the human race - now becomes the greatest fear of the human race.

p78 Since we have the assurance of God's love no matter what, we can do a very bold thing.  We don't have to pretend to be more radiant than we really are.  We can live with "unveiled faces". (reference to Moses)

p 80  The irony of the masks is that although we wear them to make other people think well of us, they are drawn to us only when we take them off.

Self-disclosure has enormous power.

p 81  Jesus lived a common life.  He let his friends see him in unveiled moments of joy, sadness, anger and fatigue.

p 83  Sin causes us to seek hiddenness and separation, which in turn destroy community.  In confession, we enter back into community.  We come out of hiding. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, "If a Christian is in the fellowship of confession with a brother, he will never be alone again, any where."

p 86  In real life we live in a fallen world. We all fall, we fall often, and sometimes hard.  If we try to handle our fallenness on our own, if we try to keep it secret, eventually it will destroy us.  God has made a better way. He has formed a community in which people can live with unveiled faces. It really is possible to do life without hiding. All it takes is trust.

**this last point is so HARD!  Trust is hard, and living unveiled is hard.  Especially when or if you feel that you are one of very few doing so or if others around you seem uninterested, unwilling, or simply too busy to bother with another person... even a fellow Jesus follower.