Late October

All photos by my amazing husband Steve

 I love the fall - and living here in the Monadnock region of NH means that for most of this season we live in a picture postcard of swirling leaves and amazing color.

It is a time when - as a friend stated - God pulls out his easel and paints amazing pictures for our enjoyment.

It is also a time of change, reflection and sometimes quiet introspection.  These things can be good or they can be terrifying - sometimes they are a combination of both.

I'm missing dear friends... learning new things... finding new rhythms for my days... some things cause my heart to ache, some are exhilarating and others exhausting and emotionally draining.

My last two children are both in college full-time locally - so commuting to school, and working part-time jobs which means our family dinner time together is sporadic at best.  And keeping track of who is where and when is often a good trick. We are four people sharing 3 vehicles.

For the first time in almost 20 years I have a job.  I'm learning - or trying to re-learn - how to balance being home and being at work... and trying to figure out if this is a good thing for me.  I'm learning new things with my quilting and am tremendously excited about my new studio and machines and the potential they bring to my passion of fabric & thread.

I trust completely that the Lord knows exactly what is needful in my life and will give and take and move as I pour out my heart to him and wait on His providential hand. Unfortunately that waiting is a hard, hard test for me... but He is faithful so I'm trying to be obedient and follow His lead.

Wishing you all blessings on the journey~

Progress = Change

That little graphic was created quite a few years ago.  It was an idea about what we envisioned for our home school journey with our kids.  A solid bridge into their future.

I can identify my best moment of our home school journey...

teaching my kids to read.

They love to read and are rarely without a book or two (or more!) in progress.  It used to make my mother upset that we allowed our children to read at the dinner table.  I loved it then and still do - yes even as young adults they read at the table during dinner fairly often.

Now we've come to the end of our (at home) home education journey.  It has absolutely been a success for our family!

Jess has graduated high school and is a full-fledged undergraduate student at Franklin Pierce University with a dual major, in the honors program and officially advanced class standing due to all the college work she completed during high school
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In September, Ben will begin his advanced college work at Nashua Community College for the remainder of his high school years.  Most likely he'll be finishing or fairly close to finishing an associates degree by the time he graduates high school.

Also new this summer is Ben going away to work at Camp Spofford for the next couple of months. My mama-heart is trying to sort out the varying emotions around this adventure but mostly I'm thankful that God has given him this opportunity and excited to see how he will grow this summer. We all prayed desperately for this door to open for him and several men in our church stepped up to offer recommendations and encouragement along the way.   He will come home just before his college classes begin - literally - as in two days before they start!

Other relationships in our lives are also changing.  Unexplained distance and estrangement has grown in formerly close relationships.  Physical distance is about to become a reality with some of our closest friends as they are embarking on a life-changing move to a different part of the country.
However God has brought a wealth of new relationships and opportunities for new friendships within our church family and we are tremendously thankful for the gift.  Monadnock Congregational Church is a wonderful place and I'm so grateful we challenged our presuppositions about the name on the sign.  It is now very clear that a name/label attached to something doesn't always mean what we think it does.  This church is sound in belief, has a Pastor who is bold in proclaiming the truth of the Jesus Christ, and has a congregation made up of genuine people who are trying to live honest, Christ-like lives by God's grace in a broken world.  We are all sinners, we fail, we stumble, we blow it big time even.  But there is Jesus and therefore there is grace and forgiveness... restoration and on-going sanctification.

As for me... I'm praying about what God is going to have me do next.
I don't think I'm having a mid-life crisis or anything... there is no desire for a sports car or crazy adventure.  More a quiet waiting to see what's next in the journey.  I've been dabbling in some new sewing ventures and finding things I love and things I don't.  Made a little bit of money for some things, helped some people with a few different things and continue to learn new skills and techniques.  I'm also considering the possibility (though a remote one) of a job outside home someplace.  If God opens a certain type of door, I will walk through thankfully.  If not, I shall continue along doing what He puts before me as opportunities.

Blessings on the journey~

Chapter 7 Lines

Chapter 7  Community is worth fighting for: Conflict

"Communities need tensions if they are to grow and deepen. Tensions come from conflicts...  A tension or difficulty can signal the approach of a new grace of God. But it has to be looked at wisely and humanly. " ~Jean Vanier

p 127  There is no greater challenge in building community than to master the art of handling anger and conflict.  ..we must consider how important this topic is in God's eyes. It is both remarkable and appalling that by and large in churches today, we are not scandalized by broken relationships and chronic enmity between people.  We are not scandalized by lack of love.
But Jesus is.

p 128  We have been invited into the Fellowship of the Trinity. When we violate oneness, when we contribute to relational brokenness, it doesn't just affect us and the other person.  We are contributing to the destruction of that which is most prized by God and was purchased by him at greatest cost - the oneness of the Trinitarian community.

p 130  Matthew 18:15 may be the single most violated of all the instructions Jesus gave the human race.

p 131  To be alive means to be in conflict.  It's part of the dance of the porcupines. People may not be normal, but conflict surely is - at least in our world.

p 132  Interestingly, while Jesus tells his hearers they should take the responsibility to set things right if the other person has sinned, in another setting (Matt 5:23-24) he tells his hearers to take the first step if they are the ones in the wrong.  Jesus puts the burden on you in both cases.
Why?  Because people who value community are people who own responsibility to deal with relational breakdowns.

p 132  "Go" Jesus says. Take action. Don't let resentment fester.

p 133  Anger exists to tell you something is wrong and to move you to action.  Anger exists so you will be motivated to make it go away.  However, remember Proverbs 14:17 and Ephesians 4:26.

p 134-135 Causes of our anger? Fear? Frustration? Hurt? What outcome do we want? to win? to hurt someone?

p 136  Sometimes you should become angry. However even then you still must decide how to express your anger.

p 138 Conflict is inevitable. Resentment is optional.

p 139  The need for sensitivity is one of the most important - and often misunderstood - aspects of healthy anger management.

p 141 The simplest guideline is to approach the other people the way you would want to be approached in their place.

p 142  We must speak truth in love - clearly.

p 143  The goal in conflict resolution is not to win or score points - it's reconciliation.  Your aim should be to restore the relationship.  Reconciliation is rarely simple and almost never quick.

p 144  Direct confrontation doesn't always do good.  Sometimes it escalates the conflict. Sometimes it leads to violence. Confrontation can do tremendous damage. Then we need a miracle.  God created one.  It's called forgiveness - that's in the next chapter.

Beginning More Lines

I am one of those readers who makes notes and copies down lines when I read something that I'm trying to study.  I find it helpful to use the old fashioned method of paper & pen (or pencil) to write things out long-hand to drive home points that touch me as I read.  This series of posts will be a collection of the notes, quotes, lines, etc. from my reading of the book by John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them.  This is just one of several books I have read, am reading and have stacked up to read  - all relating to living life as part of God's community of believers and the world at large.  This is a journey of discovery and change and is, quite honestly, hard & painful at times.

So ... here goes.

Part 1: "Normal: There's No Such Thing, Dear"
Ch. 1: The Porcupine's Dilemma
"To make a start where we are, we must recognize that our world is not normal, but only usual at present." ~Dallas Willard

p.14  When you deal with human beings, you have com to the 'as-is' corner of the universe. We are tempted to live under the illusion that somewhere out there are people who are normal. When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes 'as-is'. 

p. 15  Of course, the most painful part of this is realizing that I am in the 'as-is' department as well.  ... the writers of Scripture insist that no is "totally normal" - at least not as God defines normal. (see Isaiah 53:6 and Romans 3:23) 

p. 16 Because we know in our hearts that this is not the way we're supposed to be, we try to hide our weirdness.  Everyone of us pretends to be healthier and kinder than we really are; we all engage in what might be called "depravity management."

p. 18  And yet... the yearning to attach and connect, to love and be loved, is the fiercest longing of the soul.

p. 19  "The natural condition of life for human beings is reciprocal rootedness in others." ~Dallas Willard

p. 20 "Whoever cannot stand being in community should beware of being alone." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

p. 25  This is a book about how imperfect people like you and me can pursue community with other imperfect people.

So it begins... and I have the strong sense that I'm going to learn a lot.  There are personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter, which I'm attempting to answer for myself in my journal, but I'm not willing to share here on the blog.  Some things are private and the internet is most definitely not.

Blessings on the journey~

Thankful again

Photo has nothing to do with the post - I just love that Piper and Fender are buddies

It is January 15th, which means it is payday at our house.  Steve gets paid monthly and we are a single income family.  We have lived this way for 16 years.
Amazing?  Perhaps ... but I like to think not really.  More I recognize that we have the blessings we have because God has poured them out for our family.  Not because we deserve it...no... far from it!

We fully acknowledge that every good gift comes from the One and only God who loves us beyond comprehension - enough that He sent His only Son to die for us.  Because we acknowledge and accept that gift of grace, we know full well that every other gift is from Him as well.
Which makes payday every month a really tangible time to remember and be thankful.  God's math works when it makes no sense for it to work.

Most people will tell you that it is impossible in this day and age to live on one income.  I disagree strongly and can point you to multiple families I know that do and have made it work.  Does it mean you have to make choices?  Of course!  But we all make tons of choices every day.  Does it sometimes mean sacrifice?  Probably, but I think that depends on your definitions and falls again into choices.

Would I ever make different choices that would have meant I had kept my full-time job after J was born?  Not likely.  The benefits of being home...raising and educating these young people... increasing my own skills and knowledge in the process... can never compare to just a paycheck.  No new car or vacation would be worth the sacrifice of the relationships I have with my children.

Every month when the paycheck is deposited and we have the blessing of giving back to God and can pay all the bills and have enough left over to buy groceries & gas and whatnot until the next paycheck.... I am thankful again and again.
Never do I want to take for granted the gifts He pours out for us.

Blessings on the journey~

Choices

Choices... many.... many....many choices.
Every year at this time we begin the hunt for materials for our next school year.
Do you KNOW how many different ways there are to learn things?  Do you KNOW how many books are out there?

This is one of the (many) times to evaluate what we've liked and enjoyed during this current school year and to consider the things we'd rather not do again if we can avoid it.



I love the freedom we enjoy to pick & choose.  To match learning styles and materials.  To pursue special interests and discover new passions.  I love home schooling!

There are also choices in many other areas that seem to manifest at this time of year.  Clearing off bookshelves is a beginning.  It seems to lead to clearing out excess clothes, other clutter and general miscellaneous stuff that seems to accumulate throughout the winter.  What stays, what goes?  Do we just toss it or donate it to charity or hang on to it for the church yard sale in a few months? 
For some reason this is the time of year that I also begin to mull the thought of moving.
Now, we've lived in our home for 15 years and have redone just about every room from top to bottom (though our bedroom floor and baseboard molding aren't finished yet!).  I love my home!
We've had one serious stint of 'let's move' that happened about 4 or 5 years ago and at that point we had looked at a lot of houses/areas within commutable distance and finally decided this was home and we were staying put unless God made it REALLY clear that we were going someplace.
Yet with the changes in the economy and all, the thought has again surfaced repeatedly this year.  I doubt anything will come of it unless God puts up a lot of really clear signs for us - we're slow like that but God knows that about us. :-)
I love the fact that we have so much freedom and flexibility in Christ.  Following Him is - for some people a very narrow road - and it is in a lot of ways - but there is SO much freedom in that path!  God doesn't take away our ability to choose when we turn our lives over to Him - he offers all the very BEST choices!
Homeschooling is one of my favorite examples of this fact.  We have the options to choose how they learn, what they learn, when they learn and most importantly ... they get to do it with the people who care most about them on this earth and who have the most vested interest in making sure they do it well.  That my friends is freedom...and love.
That is exactly how it is in Christ.  He cares most about us and guides us to the very BEST there is so we can do this life well.  Pretty clear indication to me that I am loved and free. :-)



Photo credit WikiCommons.org