Random Brain Ramblings

I haven't posted much of late as I've been sort of in a low spot in many ways and have had trouble pulling my brain out of the fog for more than is required for just general life a lot of the time.
We've had a very long stretch of cycling snow storms and freezing cold temperatures and that has caused it's own issues as well as creating a certain amount of drab feelings and cabin fever alternatingly (is that really a word?).

We've had frozen heat pipes, a giant frost heave just outside the garage door, the chicken coop is at a definite angle - probably also due to frost heaves, we've had ice dams and leaking into the house, and as of yesterday, a different heating pipe has begun to leak and the plumber can't come until next week Tuesday.  I've had a weird tendonitis thing in my right hand/wrist that has made life very challenging and has completely thwarted my self-therapy of sewing.  The dog had surgery and then a weird doggie vertigo episode that has resulted in lots of vet visits and bills.

All this is fairly negative on the surface, however there have been many good things and bright spots as well.
There are things to be thankful for even when things are hard:

• After my temper-tantrum with God back in September (mom-camp), we started attending church in Peterborough (Monadnock Congregational Church) and that has been a tremendous blessing and source of peace.  Steve and I even attended membership class with the Pastor and are planning to become members during the month of March (Lord willing).
• We've had some rough spots with friends and family that have required us to speak up and step out of our normal non-confrontational lifestyle to deal with uncomfortable issues - this has resulted in shifts in relationships that prayerfully God is putting on the right track again.
• Almost all of the house issues have resolved - mostly - without any really dreadful situations or too horrendous of expenses.  And we are really evaluating what is needful for projects and home improvements both long and short-term.  I do see having to paint the family room this year after the water leaking in left water spots on the ceiling, but that was sort of needful anyway.
• My chiropractor has made great improvement in my hand/wrist with a new technique.
• Today it is 40 degrees and the sun is peaking out!
• The kids are healthy and doing well with their school work and we are working on our plans for next year including starting to look at colleges for Jess.
• Ben is learning to drive.
• I'm reading several books right now.
• Steve built Jess some fun built-in bookshelves in her room.

• Steve is working on building me a design wall for my sewing room.
• My chickens are all still laying and seem to be surviving their first winter okay.
• My new cat Gypsy is settling in nicely and loves to sit on my desk with me.
• We have had some great silly laugh-fests when we get a bit stir crazy.
• I've got lots of projects to work on once my hand heals enough to get back to sewing.
• There is prayer meeting on Thursday evenings at church and it's wonderful.
• There is coffee and chocolate and fudge in my world.
• I have a husband who is truly amazing, loves me so and cares for me completely, and we've just celebrated 19 years of marriage!
• My kids are awesome, smart, funny and very helpful.
• I have dear friends to share with, laugh with and who will keep me in prayer.
• I know that Jesus loves me and will carry me through the toughest things by His grace & mercy.

Blessings on the journey~

Random Life

There are times when my life feels sort of random and disconnected.  That there is little flow of continuity from one area or subject that requires my attention to the next.  Sometimes it is almost amusing.  This fact is clearly illustrated by these photos from my phone.

Curved quilted pillow I made testing out a new ruler & book of patterns

Buckwheat sprouts on the window sill - growing for my chickens

new quilt rack Steve found for me at a local consignment shop

my brand new quilt labels!

Books I'm reading right now - on the coffee table

My newest fur baby - Gypsy

Beginning More Lines

I am one of those readers who makes notes and copies down lines when I read something that I'm trying to study.  I find it helpful to use the old fashioned method of paper & pen (or pencil) to write things out long-hand to drive home points that touch me as I read.  This series of posts will be a collection of the notes, quotes, lines, etc. from my reading of the book by John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them.  This is just one of several books I have read, am reading and have stacked up to read  - all relating to living life as part of God's community of believers and the world at large.  This is a journey of discovery and change and is, quite honestly, hard & painful at times.

So ... here goes.

Part 1: "Normal: There's No Such Thing, Dear"
Ch. 1: The Porcupine's Dilemma
"To make a start where we are, we must recognize that our world is not normal, but only usual at present." ~Dallas Willard

p.14  When you deal with human beings, you have com to the 'as-is' corner of the universe. We are tempted to live under the illusion that somewhere out there are people who are normal. When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes 'as-is'. 

p. 15  Of course, the most painful part of this is realizing that I am in the 'as-is' department as well.  ... the writers of Scripture insist that no is "totally normal" - at least not as God defines normal. (see Isaiah 53:6 and Romans 3:23) 

p. 16 Because we know in our hearts that this is not the way we're supposed to be, we try to hide our weirdness.  Everyone of us pretends to be healthier and kinder than we really are; we all engage in what might be called "depravity management."

p. 18  And yet... the yearning to attach and connect, to love and be loved, is the fiercest longing of the soul.

p. 19  "The natural condition of life for human beings is reciprocal rootedness in others." ~Dallas Willard

p. 20 "Whoever cannot stand being in community should beware of being alone." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

p. 25  This is a book about how imperfect people like you and me can pursue community with other imperfect people.

So it begins... and I have the strong sense that I'm going to learn a lot.  There are personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter, which I'm attempting to answer for myself in my journal, but I'm not willing to share here on the blog.  Some things are private and the internet is most definitely not.

Blessings on the journey~

Thankful again

Photo has nothing to do with the post - I just love that Piper and Fender are buddies

It is January 15th, which means it is payday at our house.  Steve gets paid monthly and we are a single income family.  We have lived this way for 16 years.
Amazing?  Perhaps ... but I like to think not really.  More I recognize that we have the blessings we have because God has poured them out for our family.  Not because we deserve it...no... far from it!

We fully acknowledge that every good gift comes from the One and only God who loves us beyond comprehension - enough that He sent His only Son to die for us.  Because we acknowledge and accept that gift of grace, we know full well that every other gift is from Him as well.
Which makes payday every month a really tangible time to remember and be thankful.  God's math works when it makes no sense for it to work.

Most people will tell you that it is impossible in this day and age to live on one income.  I disagree strongly and can point you to multiple families I know that do and have made it work.  Does it mean you have to make choices?  Of course!  But we all make tons of choices every day.  Does it sometimes mean sacrifice?  Probably, but I think that depends on your definitions and falls again into choices.

Would I ever make different choices that would have meant I had kept my full-time job after J was born?  Not likely.  The benefits of being home...raising and educating these young people... increasing my own skills and knowledge in the process... can never compare to just a paycheck.  No new car or vacation would be worth the sacrifice of the relationships I have with my children.

Every month when the paycheck is deposited and we have the blessing of giving back to God and can pay all the bills and have enough left over to buy groceries & gas and whatnot until the next paycheck.... I am thankful again and again.
Never do I want to take for granted the gifts He pours out for us.

Blessings on the journey~

Change still means Home

Or... the story of our crazy move that only God could orchestrate.  *S*  Don't you love alternate titles?

I'm writing this post in stages - Sorry it is long - but it is for me, to capture what is going on at the time so I will remember and so I am appropriately thankful for all God is doing, has done and will do.

Background:  For years and years we have loved driving out through the Monadnock region of NH.  Small towns, country roads with 'character' - stone walls, big ol trees, farm houses, etc.  We have loved it and longed to live out 'in the country'.  For years we have ridden summer afternoons on the motorcycle or other days in the car/truck with the kids in the backseat... always soaking up what we felt was our hearts desire but knowing it wasn't time for a myriad of reasons. 
Too hard to move, too expensive, too far for Steve to commute to work, how could we ever sell our house, where would we find what we want in a new home, what about church/friends/family, etc.  Questions swirling madly and doubts... oh so many doubts and what-ifs and 'we can't do this' thoughts. 
BUT GOD...
God knows the desires of our hearts... and sometimes... just sometimes... He makes a way in the most amazing way.

We had been praying over the summer last year about maybe moving... it began to feel like it was time.  We have been in Merrimack for 16+ years.  It was never our dream home, but we made it work for our family and bit by bit over the years we've changed the whole house.  From the roof to the basement and the whole yard.  Transformation is pretty amazing when you look back over more than a decade and a half of life lived.  For a home and a family.

All through the fall we prayed and scoured real estate listings and drove all around southern NH.  We made lists of what we wanted in a new home, considered old, new and in between homes, far away and close by.  All the while praying God would show us what we were supposed to do and where He wanted us to be.
During this time we were also struggling with the possibility of changing churches if/when we moved.  We were uncertain, conflicted and struggling.  We felt we were fighting with that transition that sometimes happens when you really start to get to know people and start seeing the human-ness that exists within the body of Christ and struggling with what we felt God was teaching us and calling us to do/be.  It's not comfortable to be stretched and changed/challenged sometimes.  So this whole process had been on-going for MONTHS when we finally arrive at Christmas.  We all took about 2 weeks off of 'real life' to enjoy the holiday, spend time together and of course... drive around looking at houses.  During this period, we had several deep family discussions and came to realize that we were NOT going to change churches.  God has called us to Riverside, we've got roots here, relationships here and as of the beginning of 2013, are really seeing some pretty amazing things happening in a short period of time.  We made a commitment to God, as a family, that we are staying put with our church until He gives us clear direction otherwise. 

After we made that decision, we started to see things happen FAST.  A house came on the market in our favorite town and we reluctantly went to see it... all of us thinking we wouldn't like it... none of us was really impressed with the photos online and we figured it was just another one to cross off our list... WRONG.  We all felt a sense of 'home' in this house.  How can that be?  And comparing the house to our wish list we discovered it had virtually everything we'd wanted and even several 'extra' things that were on our 'would be really nice to have but not essential' list.  No way!
So then came the mad scramble to get our house ready to list for sale.  In an absolutely insane week of work we cleaned, purged, packed/stored, painted and cleaned more.  Our house was ready and on the market available to the world on Jan. 15th.
That same morning the calls started for showing appointments.  I was shocked!  So fast?  Seriously?  We had showings booked every day from the first day into the following week and even multiple showings on a few days.  I was stunned and overwhelmed.  On Friday (yes, just 3 days after listing) - our realtor called us to tell us we had an offer!  So exciting!  She emailed it to us and we were discussing it over the phone with her when she interrupted our discussion to say we had just had a second offer come in!  NO WAY!  A multiple offer situation in a down market just 3 days listed?  God was really knocking our socks off with His amazing provision for us.
On Saturday we had 2 more showings and that afternoon we met with the realtor to discuss the two offers and were also mildly surprised that all calls for further showing appointments had stopped.  One of the offers was from a young couple with a brand new baby boy and they had included a lovely letter telling us how much they loved the house and wanted to begin their new family life here.  I was so touched. 
SOLD!  We accepted their offer and promptly finalized an offer on the house we'd found and liked.  After just a bit of negotiating, we had a contract on that house as well.  Only God could have done all this in just a matter of a few weeks time... it's crazy!

Next up... Inspections & more...

Quiet

It's been quiet here because our house (above) was listed for sale on the 15th.  We are seeing lots of activity and it's been a mad dash to keep things 'show ready' with school, kids, BIG HAIRY dog and cats.  But God has been blessing.  After almost 17 years... it's sort of... well.... weird.  But in a really good way.

We are confident of God's grace and mercy in this insane process and are beyond grateful for His sustaining power and promises to be with us always.

A few years ago I memorized this verse and have since had opportunity to have it placed prominently in various locations as a tangible reminder of God's promises over me.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

I know that the plan is for me (through Christ's sacrifice) to spend eternity with Him, but I also believe that it has much to do with my life now and how God can use me if I'm willing to be obedient to His call.  I long to be totally surrendered and have seen that when I am... He does amazing things!


Update:  As of 1/20: The house is under contract - sale pending.  Truly amazing!


Blessings on the journey~

Jesus is Never Snarky (or... an apology)

I offer sincere apologies to anyone who reads my Facebook posts and was upset by one post from yesterday (that has since been deleted).  I am truly sorry for my choice of words yesterday and have already had face time with the Lord over it, so now I'm doing the electronic version for anyone who cares.
Yesterday in a snit of self-righteousness and frustration I posted something on Facebook that was definitely snarky in tone and probably rude.  One of those motivations is definitely a sin that I'm continually having to struggle with and repent of and the other... hmmm... have to get back to you on that.
I read an amazing blog post by Teri Lynne and was both inspired and irritated.  You can read the post she wrote here.  She's pretty awesome a lot and I generally find helpful insights in her writing.
So.. back to my response.  I was inspired because God has been really impressing on me over the last year or so that we don't have to be some super-saint or have some amazing talent to be useful for Him.  We just have to be willing and say 'yes' when an opportunity presents itself.  Please note that I do not think that these opportunities arise by accident - GOD is planning all this - it says so in scripture "For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10.
I was irritated because I'm struggling with a nasty funk of feeling like there are lots of fat sheep in our churches being only consumers without doing anything or sacrificing anything (Dietrich Bonhoeffer has been in my head lately too).  I'm really sure that Jesus got his hands dirty when He walked this earth and maybe we don't actually have to get physically dirty to serve for His kingdom... but we have to get out of the chairs.  Even in small ways - like Teri Lynne talked about.
So.  I apologize for being snarky and rude. 
But I do NOT apologize for the feelings that I'm wrestling with about how to live a better story for Jesus, and to DO what I say I believe.  I don't want to waste this short life that God has given me (yes - John Piper is in my head too) -  when I can choose to do something that may somehow make a difference.

What will you choose?
Joshua 24:15 "But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”


Blessings on the journey~

Waiting for Change & Contentment

I wait all year for scenes like this...
Fall is my favorite season.  I love the cool nights with the warmish days, the vibrant and glorious colors, the baking, the sweaters & jeans, the Deerfield Fair day with family & friends... everything.
So now we are into August and summer seems to have flown by, yet I am ready for the next thing.  J and I are pretty well ready to start school, though B refuses to consider it until after his birthday (and really who can blame him?).
Of course change is often very messy.  Such as several days of upheaval, noise, and sawdust to have a new floor put in - but it's OH so pretty!

Very worth it...don't you think?

Life and it's many changes can be hard.  Exciting. Frustrating. Nerve-wracking. Difficult. And I usually like to say I don't like change... unless it is my idea.
Yet it feels like so much in life is waiting for the next thing, the next stage, the next project to be done. 
Am I content? 
I'm reading a devotional book about contentment right now.  It's a marvelous reminder that contentment comes when I am focused on Christ and His purposes for my life.  When I hand over the reins to the One with the true plan and best ideas for my life (which is NOT me by the way!).  I find when I practice this discipline in my day-to-day life, there is less frustration and less waiting.
When I truly try to live the life each day that God allows.  The one with His priorities instead of my 'to-do' lists.  The one with people and service and love and grace flowing through and swirling around.  The days with music and smiles and sometimes tears as well.
I. am. content.
That is not all to say that life is all butterflies and rainbows and little birds singing in the tree outside my window.  In actuality the birds outside the window at 4:30 am are really dreadfully annoying, and the dog hair is threatening to take over the downstairs, the dishes and laundry always need doing, etc.  But this is all part of the music of our lives here.  It's real.  A dear friend once said it is job security. :-)
My only true security is in Christ and leaning into Him for strength and grace for each day.... even the really tough days... that is contentment.  And for this and so much more... I am thankful.

Choices

Choices... many.... many....many choices.
Every year at this time we begin the hunt for materials for our next school year.
Do you KNOW how many different ways there are to learn things?  Do you KNOW how many books are out there?

This is one of the (many) times to evaluate what we've liked and enjoyed during this current school year and to consider the things we'd rather not do again if we can avoid it.



I love the freedom we enjoy to pick & choose.  To match learning styles and materials.  To pursue special interests and discover new passions.  I love home schooling!

There are also choices in many other areas that seem to manifest at this time of year.  Clearing off bookshelves is a beginning.  It seems to lead to clearing out excess clothes, other clutter and general miscellaneous stuff that seems to accumulate throughout the winter.  What stays, what goes?  Do we just toss it or donate it to charity or hang on to it for the church yard sale in a few months? 
For some reason this is the time of year that I also begin to mull the thought of moving.
Now, we've lived in our home for 15 years and have redone just about every room from top to bottom (though our bedroom floor and baseboard molding aren't finished yet!).  I love my home!
We've had one serious stint of 'let's move' that happened about 4 or 5 years ago and at that point we had looked at a lot of houses/areas within commutable distance and finally decided this was home and we were staying put unless God made it REALLY clear that we were going someplace.
Yet with the changes in the economy and all, the thought has again surfaced repeatedly this year.  I doubt anything will come of it unless God puts up a lot of really clear signs for us - we're slow like that but God knows that about us. :-)
I love the fact that we have so much freedom and flexibility in Christ.  Following Him is - for some people a very narrow road - and it is in a lot of ways - but there is SO much freedom in that path!  God doesn't take away our ability to choose when we turn our lives over to Him - he offers all the very BEST choices!
Homeschooling is one of my favorite examples of this fact.  We have the options to choose how they learn, what they learn, when they learn and most importantly ... they get to do it with the people who care most about them on this earth and who have the most vested interest in making sure they do it well.  That my friends is freedom...and love.
That is exactly how it is in Christ.  He cares most about us and guides us to the very BEST there is so we can do this life well.  Pretty clear indication to me that I am loved and free. :-)



Photo credit WikiCommons.org

Passing Time & Changes on the Road

I can't believe how fast the month of January has gone.  It seems we've done not much but school, housework and shovel snow.  OK... so the kids and Steve have shoveled snow and I've kept the canister filled with hot cocoa mix and mopped up snow puddles.  We all have our talents.

God is changing things in our lives, slowly, but He is absolutely moving us along on the journey.  We strive to follow the path He marks for us and it is not always an easy road to travel.  For me especially!
I don't "do" change well.  I like things to be predictable and comfortable.  There is a running joke about liking it here under my rock.  Change is hard and can be messy and uncomfortable.  God is stretching me out of my box and out from under my rock, but surprisingly it seems to be all okay.
Or maybe I'm the only one who is surprised.
Pastor has announced and been preaching on our church theme for this year and it's about Sharing the Love that Unites Us.  Last year was Honoring One Another, Serving the Lord.  There is obviously a trend. :-)  True Christianity is an 'outward' focused life.  It's not a selfish thing.  Living as part of the body of Christ requires us to look away from ourselves and give/serve/love/etc. as the opportunities are presented.  And God provides LOTS of opportunities when you are paying attention to notice them.
I will admit to really not being very good in this area generally.  Not that I am not willing to help people, but I am not always observant.  I tend to be wrapped up in my own little world of taking care of things at home and with my immediate family.  This in itself is not bad, my family comes first and I make no apologies for that at all!  But I do realize that I have the capacity to do MORE than just that at times.  My children are getting older - and far more capable than I am often ready to make use of - and we are discovering ways we can be used together to meet needs outside of our home.  God is showing us some opportunities... and giving us (ME) the grace, strength and courage to step out and attempt some new things.
I have several more posts relating to all this swirling around in my head.  Writing sometimes helps me to sort out ideas and make concrete the emotions and theories - which allows for easier action... or at least some clarity at times.  You are most welcome to follow along the journey and see what God can do with the few loaves I bring to Him for His use.  (Matthew 16:9-10) Bread baking is a thing I can offer. :-)
Blessings on the journey~




*Note: that is not one of my bread pictures - I thought it was a good one though

Week One

 

We started the new year by cheering for Steve at his first road race of the year.  It was a crazy warm day for here in NH - I think it was in the mid-50s, hence J's t-shirt and the fact that no one has a coat in spite of the piles of snow in the background.

Monday was still semi-vacation mode as Steve had it off from work and the kids just did a small amount of school that day.  We dove back in full swing on Tuesday and have had a good week.  Much has been accomplished academically, some laundry, a new plan for memorizing more scripture in 2011, and we're back to working on our Balancing the Sword questions each morning as well as our Training Hearts, Teaching Minds devotional work.  I know it makes a HUGE difference in our days when we begin with studying words from the Lord for us and focusing on Him to start.

I've also begun reading a new book by Dr. David Jeremiah and have downloaded some awesome freebies for my new kindle (a Christmas surprise from my loving husband!).  I finished reading Mary Beth Chapman's new book Choosing to SEE during the week after Christmas and recommend it highly!  She is so honest and real telling a difficult story but her faith in God really shines I think. 

This journey is not always easy... heck, most days it's pretty tough!  But God is always faithful and never has us travel alone.  I am thankful for that gift each day.

Blessings on the journey~

Trying to walk

Photo credit Ann Voskamp

Sometimes trying to walk is hard...

As a follower of Christ I'm supposed to walk the walk... the one I talk about so easily.  The one espoused by countless books and blog posts.  The one that is ... hard.

We are called to live in community, to build relationships, to reach out and connect in real life.  And I sit alone in the kitchen, typing on the keyboard while words and pictures fill the screen.  How is that a connection?  How has all this technology made things better for the relationships?

I almost cried talking to Steve last night about how my heart aches for 'realness' in life.  How I feel so cut off - yet don't know how to connect.  Everyone is too busy.  Everything is digital and sound bites and 'tweets'.  I long to slow down, disconnect and really LIVE.  And yet I sit here, typing away.... 

A friend is hurting... and I went to her home and hugged her and spoke with her for a few minutes.  And it was REAL.  My heart beat faster as I could feel her heartache in her words and see the mama-pain in her eyes... and I could pray in earnest... lifting her before the throne of grace... bearing one another's burdens.

How do I live this?  How do I walk? 
Only by the grace of God and in His strength. 
        I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ~ Philippians 4:13
My feet would completely slip out from under me otherwise.

       Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. ~ Proverbs 4:26

Blessings on the journey~

October! Already?

Wow!  I suppose I shouldn't really be surprised... October comes right after September every year.  I just can't seem to shake the feeling that time is accelerating as my children get older.  I don't feel that much older - well, most days anyway. And I am most fully aware that it is all just an illusion.  That time doesn't really move any faster or slower, it is just my perception that changes.
So here we are.  October.  Which means we are fully into our school year, fall has begun, the Deerfield Fair has come & gone again, and I have baked at least one apple pie so far.

We took a Friday off a few weeks ago and went to Nubble Light in Maine and enjoyed a fun day doing nothing much.  I love days like that and cannot even begin to express how completely blessed I feel that we CAN do such things.

Yes, they really are almost as tall as me already!                        
All photo credit to Steve (my most amazing husband)

Today is a rainy Monday.  We have schoolwork to accomplish, and some random laundry & housework as always. Tonight I have the opportunity to begin another Bible Study with the wonderful ladies from our church.  Life is really good and I am very thankful.

Blessings on the journey~

Making Progress

We came back from our vacation with a re-newed sense of needing to simplify our lives.  We had managed to live for a week in a much smaller house with much less stuff and it had been good.  Really good.

It turns out that purging accumulated clutter, clothing and just...well... stuff, takes time.  It is a process and not something that just happens in a quick pass.  The biggest challenge for Steve & I is that we don't want to just throw away things that are perfectly good and useful to someone.  So we (read me), are searching for places to donate things, trying to sell some things, and finding people who can use what we are trying to reduce in our lives.  We have been very blessed - to the excess in some cases - and I don't want to waste those blessings.

My new rule for things to be kept in the house is that they must be useful, loved, bring us joy and have a permanent home - and by that I mean have a place they belong as 'put away'.  I have cleared off the top of the piano and the mantle in the living room and have 2 boxes of 'stuff' to find new homes for soon.  I have purged 2 bookcases or school curriculum that I am trying to sell.  And have begun working on the two younger kids bedrooms.

We've lived in our home for more than 14 years now.  That is a LOT of accumulated stuff to wade through.  But we are making progress and it feels good.  I am thankful for all our blessings and even more thankful that God is nudging us to a more mindful and purposeful way of living so that we can focus on what is truly important for His glory through our lives.

Blessings on the journey~

Musing about life

I've been thinking a lot lately about life...specifically my life (and by extension my family's life).  I've also been doing a bit more reading than usual, even for me.  I have finished a few books in the last week or so, and am working through two different Bible study books right now.
I've also been spending some time poking around various blogs, some of the 'mommy' variety, a few homeschooling ones, the occasional sewing find, a bunch of 'frugal/money' type, and most importantly, several that are devoted to God's truth being shared for women specifically.
God is really speaking to me in a lot of areas right now and it feels a bit overwhelming and chaotic on the surface, but deep down in my heart I feel peaceful, loved and cared for ...like a small, beloved child being taught important things.
I have often felt that my life is sort of in a series of boxes.  Each related, but distinct and generally separated on some level from the rest.  I know this is not a truth per se, but just a general feeling of how things flow at various times and seasons for me.
I am first and foremost a follower of Christ.  Stumblingly, imperfectly, forgiven and starting again daily I seek to live in God's will for my life and bring Him glory.
This has not always been the case, even though I was saved (born again, redeemed, etc. choose your favorite term) as a child - I think I was about 8 or 10 years old - I have not always lived my faith.  This is not a fact I am proud of by any stretch, but it is a fact nonetheless.  By God's amazing grace and faithfulness, I found my way back about 9 or 10 years ago and have been blessed by a steady growth of my faith and strengthening of all I believe as I study the Bible and draw closer to my Savior.  I have also been blessed beyond measure to see 3 of our children and my husband come to faith in Christ during the last 9 years also.
Secondly I am a beloved wife to an awesome man and a (mostly) devoted mother to my terrific children.  These two roles are my highest calling and dearest ministry on the planet.
I also home educate our youngest two children, so I am a teacher.  I am a student in that I try to read/learn new things regularly.  I am a daughter.  I am a friend.  I am a quilter and seamstress.  I am an aspiring cook/baker.  I am the acting CFO of our family life.  I am generally the caretaker of the furry creatures that love us.  I am a less than stellar house-keeper (though I try to be better all the time).  I am passionately politically conservative and incorrect. I am a believer in absolute truth and see things very often in terms of right and wrong.  I am aspiring to become a better steward and more frugal in our finances and living.  I am a very slow and not very committed runner.
I am many things and yet I am just one.... me.
As random as all this may seem, it is all part of a process I am working through to attempt to un-compartmentalize (is that a word?) my life.  I don't like fragments generally.  I want to seamlessly live a life that is pleasing to God while fulfilling all the work He has set before me.   I don't want to miss His best for me because I am chasing loose ends flapping in the breeze of my life.
Much of my studies and reading lately have focused on truly trusting God...with everything.  I have a sense of being on the brink of something, yet have no idea what it may be.  Sort of like standing at a cross-road or at the edge of a staircase, but I can't see either road or step.  It's weird, exciting, terrifying, and yet I'm not scared.  I'm more anxiously excited to see what God is about to do.

I have learned a few things recently that struck me as profound.

• God has a perfect plan and it will not be thwarted by anything I do or do not do
• He can use me for His purposes if I am willing and obedient.
• His ways are not my ways and how He will accomplish something is probably not going to be the way I expect or would even choose.
• He can use something we see as dreadful to accomplish something wonderful.
• He sees what I will become and that is like Christ.  (How cool is THAT!?!)
• God loves me...completely... totally...unconditionally... now. (That one is really beyond amazing!)
• Jeremiah 29:11 is true even when I have no idea what is happening or will happen next.

 Blessings on the journey ~
  

A beautiful day

The weather here has been unseasonably warm and beautiful!  Today it is already over 80 degrees!  That just doesn't normally happen in NH in May ~ but I will take it with thanks to God above for blessing us with this lovely day!

J had her riding lesson this morning and B was blessed to be able to swim with his friend during the lesson hour.  I sat in a lounge chair and perused a recipe book "Eating Well at Rush Hour".  I'm in search of inspiration for my meal planning.  I am in a slump about planning and cooking and need some new ideas.  I think I found a few.  Though I'm not sure what the kids will think, but I know that Steve always appreciates my efforts and never complains.  I am a blessed wife.
We did a run through Wal-Mart for what I call a 'coupon shop', which is when I have coupons for just about everything I purchase.  I managed to save just over $20 total.  I have made it a hard-n-fast rule to not buy anything with a coupon unless it's something I would normally buy or the price makes it cheaper than the brand of that item I normally purchase.
I still need to do a run to the grocery store and hit the post office to mail 2 things for the PaperBack Book Swap site (I love swapping books!)   If anyone is interested in signing up - send me a message and I'll forward you the link to sign up (I get points if I refer you!).

Tonight is my ladies' Bible Study group and God is really blessing this time with this marvelous group of women.  I think we are all learning and growing and beginning to connect in new friendships.  God is so good to us to give us others to share the journey.

I found a verse today that really spoke to me so I will share it in closing this post.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 (NASB)
Faithful is he who calls you, and he will also bring it to pass.

Running Man

My darling husband sporting the bright red team singlet for just one of his running clubs as he competed in the Boston Marathon yesterday.  He had a great run finishing in 3:00:15!

P

Photo credit: Scott Mason

Boston Marathon Day

Today my husband is running in the Boston Marathon.  I am crazy proud of him!

For those who don't know, there are a few ways to get into the Boston Marathon.  A lot of people sign up to run for a charity sponsor - they collect donations to raise funds for various groups and then run the race. 
There are the 'elite' runners who are invited to compete - those crazy fast people who WIN! 
And there are those who must qualify to run by running a prior 'approved' Boston Marathon qualifying course and meeting certain time limits/categories based on their age - my husband is one of those runners.
Steve has been running for a long time... back serious about it for 10 years now.  He runs, he cycles, sometimes he swims, he mountain bikes, he snowshoes, and he runs some more.  He has a blog about his running over at Hav2Run which is also currently his vanity license plate on his car.  It is one of his passions and he is really good... ok... I admit a certain amount of bias there but really, he is a talented athlete who works hard at the sport he loves.
Today he will run Boston - which for the non-runner is something that is recognizable though most aren't even sure how long a marathon even is (26.2 miles in case you needed that information).  The kids and I will be doing school, having our last piano lesson of the year and praying for a good run and a safe day for Dad, while tracking him online via his timing chip.  Sometimes technology is very cool!

Life is hard for everyone

You know those days when you feel like you are dealing with some big, huge, awful thing?  And then you read something, or talk to someone, or see something on the news that makes you suddenly realize that what you are facing maybe ISN'T so big, huge, and awful?
I've had a lot of those days in the past year or so.  I mean... a lot.  God continually reminds me that even in the face of whatever it is I'm dealing with at the moment - He is with me, and someone else is dealing with something worse.
Now, all that being said... when you are facing something that for YOU is a big, huge and awful thing.  God cares.  It really is big - for you.  It is huge - for you.  It is awful - for you.  But really... in the scope of eternity, it isn't about you.  God will carry you through the darkness if you lean on Him. 
A friend of mine once wrote a devotional study on Psalm 23 - that famous one everyone (or almost everyone) knows by heart.  She wrote one line that stuck with me. "When you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death; keep walking and don't stop to pitch a tent."
We are not supposed to wallow in our big, awful and huge situations.  We are supposed to keep walking along the path that God has marked out for us, even when we only have the light for just the most immediate next step.  God sometimes lights the way with small lights instead of big floodlights.  Though I will admit, in my human frailties, I'm afraid of the dark and crave sunshine and bright lights.  I even have a nightlight in the bathroom at home. :-)  I'm learning to walk in His light, that is sufficient if not always comfortable for me.
Part of my point is that I've realized (albeit slowly), when I try to look outside of myself and my immediate circumstances or issues, things seem to be a bit better, a bit brighter, a bit lighter.  Maybe because I can leave whatever my load is at Jesus' feet and move on to attempt to lighten somebody else's load.
In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus says: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
And he says in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
 In Psalm 71:19-20 David writes:
  Your righteousness reaches to the skies, O God, you who have done great things.
       Who, O God, is like you?
  Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Today I am dealing with some issues in my life.  But I know God is in control.  Nothing surprises Him and He has a plan for everything in my life - even when I can't possibly see how it will play out.  It is really hard, but I have to pray on it all and leave it with Him.  He will carry me through if I let Him.  I have to trust Him. 
And realistically, what choice do I have?  I can't change anything by worrying or fretting.  Jesus said in Luke 12: 25-26  "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?"  He is right, of course.