Progress = Change

That little graphic was created quite a few years ago.  It was an idea about what we envisioned for our home school journey with our kids.  A solid bridge into their future.

I can identify my best moment of our home school journey...

teaching my kids to read.

They love to read and are rarely without a book or two (or more!) in progress.  It used to make my mother upset that we allowed our children to read at the dinner table.  I loved it then and still do - yes even as young adults they read at the table during dinner fairly often.

Now we've come to the end of our (at home) home education journey.  It has absolutely been a success for our family!

Jess has graduated high school and is a full-fledged undergraduate student at Franklin Pierce University with a dual major, in the honors program and officially advanced class standing due to all the college work she completed during high school
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In September, Ben will begin his advanced college work at Nashua Community College for the remainder of his high school years.  Most likely he'll be finishing or fairly close to finishing an associates degree by the time he graduates high school.

Also new this summer is Ben going away to work at Camp Spofford for the next couple of months. My mama-heart is trying to sort out the varying emotions around this adventure but mostly I'm thankful that God has given him this opportunity and excited to see how he will grow this summer. We all prayed desperately for this door to open for him and several men in our church stepped up to offer recommendations and encouragement along the way.   He will come home just before his college classes begin - literally - as in two days before they start!

Other relationships in our lives are also changing.  Unexplained distance and estrangement has grown in formerly close relationships.  Physical distance is about to become a reality with some of our closest friends as they are embarking on a life-changing move to a different part of the country.
However God has brought a wealth of new relationships and opportunities for new friendships within our church family and we are tremendously thankful for the gift.  Monadnock Congregational Church is a wonderful place and I'm so grateful we challenged our presuppositions about the name on the sign.  It is now very clear that a name/label attached to something doesn't always mean what we think it does.  This church is sound in belief, has a Pastor who is bold in proclaiming the truth of the Jesus Christ, and has a congregation made up of genuine people who are trying to live honest, Christ-like lives by God's grace in a broken world.  We are all sinners, we fail, we stumble, we blow it big time even.  But there is Jesus and therefore there is grace and forgiveness... restoration and on-going sanctification.

As for me... I'm praying about what God is going to have me do next.
I don't think I'm having a mid-life crisis or anything... there is no desire for a sports car or crazy adventure.  More a quiet waiting to see what's next in the journey.  I've been dabbling in some new sewing ventures and finding things I love and things I don't.  Made a little bit of money for some things, helped some people with a few different things and continue to learn new skills and techniques.  I'm also considering the possibility (though a remote one) of a job outside home someplace.  If God opens a certain type of door, I will walk through thankfully.  If not, I shall continue along doing what He puts before me as opportunities.

Blessings on the journey~

Chapter 8 Lines

Chapter 8  Spiritual Surgery: Forgiveness

p 151  Community always involves a kind of promise, whether or not it ever gets stated out loud.  It is a promise of commitment and loyalty.  When that promise gets broken, so does someone's heart.

p 152  Forgiveness is the only force strong enough to heal relationships damaged by hatred and betrayal.

p 156   But forgiveness does not come cheap.

p 157   Some things forgiveness is NOT:
             1. Forgiving is not excusing - forgiving doesn't mean tolerating or pretending.  When an action is excusable - it doesn't require forgiveness.
             2. Forgiving is not forgetting - forgiving is what's required precisely when we can't forget.
             3. Forgiving is not the same thing as reconciling.

p 158   Forgiveness takes place in the heart of one human being. It can be granted even if the other person does not ask for it or deserve it.  Reconciliation requires the rebuilding of trust, and that means good faith on the part of both parties.

p 158   Forgiveness begins when we give up the quest to get even. This is difficult because getting even is the natural obsession of the wounded soul.

p 159  Of course, letting go of vengeance doesn't mean letting go of justice. Justice must still be honored.

p 159  The next stage of forgiveness involves a new way of seeing and feeling. When we forgive, we begin to see more clearly. We don't ignore the hurts, but we see beyond them. We rediscover the humanity of the one who hurt us.

p 160  The third stage of forgiving, the one that shows you have begun to make some real progress, is when you find yourself wishing the other person well. When you want good things for someone who hurt you badly, you can pretty much know that the Great Forgiver has been at work in your heart.

p 160  God commands us to forgive because it is the best way to live. God commands forgiving because to refuse to forgive means I allow the one who hurt me to keep me chained in a prison of bitterness and resentment.  No human beings are more miserable than the unforgiving.

p 164  If you don't forgive - if you let pride, resentment, stubbornness, and defensiveness stand in your way - you become a hard and bitter person.  You carry a burden that will crush the humanity out of your spirit.  You will grow a little colder every day.  You will die.

p 165  True forgiveness is never cheap.  Hurt is deep; hurt is unfair. ... only one thing costs more than forgiving someone - NOT forgiving them. Non-forgiveness costs your heart.

p 166  Don't forgive, and your anger will become your burden. Don't forgive, and bit by bit all the joy will be choked out of you. Don't forgive, and you will be unable to trust anybody, ever again. Don't forgive, and the bitterness will crowd the compassion out of your heart slowly, utterly, forever.

Chapter 7 Lines

Chapter 7  Community is worth fighting for: Conflict

"Communities need tensions if they are to grow and deepen. Tensions come from conflicts...  A tension or difficulty can signal the approach of a new grace of God. But it has to be looked at wisely and humanly. " ~Jean Vanier

p 127  There is no greater challenge in building community than to master the art of handling anger and conflict.  ..we must consider how important this topic is in God's eyes. It is both remarkable and appalling that by and large in churches today, we are not scandalized by broken relationships and chronic enmity between people.  We are not scandalized by lack of love.
But Jesus is.

p 128  We have been invited into the Fellowship of the Trinity. When we violate oneness, when we contribute to relational brokenness, it doesn't just affect us and the other person.  We are contributing to the destruction of that which is most prized by God and was purchased by him at greatest cost - the oneness of the Trinitarian community.

p 130  Matthew 18:15 may be the single most violated of all the instructions Jesus gave the human race.

p 131  To be alive means to be in conflict.  It's part of the dance of the porcupines. People may not be normal, but conflict surely is - at least in our world.

p 132  Interestingly, while Jesus tells his hearers they should take the responsibility to set things right if the other person has sinned, in another setting (Matt 5:23-24) he tells his hearers to take the first step if they are the ones in the wrong.  Jesus puts the burden on you in both cases.
Why?  Because people who value community are people who own responsibility to deal with relational breakdowns.

p 132  "Go" Jesus says. Take action. Don't let resentment fester.

p 133  Anger exists to tell you something is wrong and to move you to action.  Anger exists so you will be motivated to make it go away.  However, remember Proverbs 14:17 and Ephesians 4:26.

p 134-135 Causes of our anger? Fear? Frustration? Hurt? What outcome do we want? to win? to hurt someone?

p 136  Sometimes you should become angry. However even then you still must decide how to express your anger.

p 138 Conflict is inevitable. Resentment is optional.

p 139  The need for sensitivity is one of the most important - and often misunderstood - aspects of healthy anger management.

p 141 The simplest guideline is to approach the other people the way you would want to be approached in their place.

p 142  We must speak truth in love - clearly.

p 143  The goal in conflict resolution is not to win or score points - it's reconciliation.  Your aim should be to restore the relationship.  Reconciliation is rarely simple and almost never quick.

p 144  Direct confrontation doesn't always do good.  Sometimes it escalates the conflict. Sometimes it leads to violence. Confrontation can do tremendous damage. Then we need a miracle.  God created one.  It's called forgiveness - that's in the next chapter.

Chapter 5 - Lines

Chapter 5  Put Down Your Stones: Acceptance

p 89  You and I were made to be in the life-saving business. Mostly the life lines we have to offer are words.  Every word we speak has the power either to give a little life to people or to destroy a little bit of their spirit and vitality.

p 94  We are most scandalized by sins of the flesh.  Jesus was most scandalized by sins of the spirit.

p 99  Condemnation and judgement have become so deeply rooted in the human spirit that most of us can't imagine having to function without them.

p 101  People need more than toleration.  Bertrand Russell wrote, "A sense of duty is useful in work but offensive in personal relationships. People wish to be liked, not to be endured with patient resignation."   (OUCH!)

p 101 Acceptance is an act of the heart. To accept someone is to affirm to them that you think it's a very good thing they are alive.

p 102  This is very important: acceptance is NOT the same thing as tolerating any behavior one chooses to indulge in. (emphasis mine) Accepting another human being does not mean we refuse to confront or challenge that in them which could harm others and damage their soul.
Failure to confront, to speak the truth in love, can ultimately be as fatal to community as judgementalism.

Beginning More Lines

I am one of those readers who makes notes and copies down lines when I read something that I'm trying to study.  I find it helpful to use the old fashioned method of paper & pen (or pencil) to write things out long-hand to drive home points that touch me as I read.  This series of posts will be a collection of the notes, quotes, lines, etc. from my reading of the book by John Ortberg, Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them.  This is just one of several books I have read, am reading and have stacked up to read  - all relating to living life as part of God's community of believers and the world at large.  This is a journey of discovery and change and is, quite honestly, hard & painful at times.

So ... here goes.

Part 1: "Normal: There's No Such Thing, Dear"
Ch. 1: The Porcupine's Dilemma
"To make a start where we are, we must recognize that our world is not normal, but only usual at present." ~Dallas Willard

p.14  When you deal with human beings, you have com to the 'as-is' corner of the universe. We are tempted to live under the illusion that somewhere out there are people who are normal. When we enter relationships with the illusion that people are normal, we resist the truth that they are not. One of the great marks of maturity is to accept the fact that everybody comes 'as-is'. 

p. 15  Of course, the most painful part of this is realizing that I am in the 'as-is' department as well.  ... the writers of Scripture insist that no is "totally normal" - at least not as God defines normal. (see Isaiah 53:6 and Romans 3:23) 

p. 16 Because we know in our hearts that this is not the way we're supposed to be, we try to hide our weirdness.  Everyone of us pretends to be healthier and kinder than we really are; we all engage in what might be called "depravity management."

p. 18  And yet... the yearning to attach and connect, to love and be loved, is the fiercest longing of the soul.

p. 19  "The natural condition of life for human beings is reciprocal rootedness in others." ~Dallas Willard

p. 20 "Whoever cannot stand being in community should beware of being alone." ~Dietrich Bonhoeffer

p. 25  This is a book about how imperfect people like you and me can pursue community with other imperfect people.

So it begins... and I have the strong sense that I'm going to learn a lot.  There are personal reflection questions at the end of each chapter, which I'm attempting to answer for myself in my journal, but I'm not willing to share here on the blog.  Some things are private and the internet is most definitely not.

Blessings on the journey~

New Book Study...more lines!

Quick back story...
We moved in part because we craved small town living... and hoped to discover the lost art of community.   We also left our church after 10 years in large part due to the serious lack of genuine community & depth of relationship.  In recent months God has been speaking into our lives loudly on this topic.
I read a great book called

Authentic Relationships: Discover the Lost Art of One Anothering by Wayne Jacobson.

Then we did a study at a local church called "Christian" by Andy Stanley - which was truly excellent. (The link takes you to the YouTube playlist of all the sessions)

This week I began a new book study and have begun again making lots of notes of the lines that speak to me most loudly.  So those I will share in coming posts along with anything of note that I am learning and changing in my own life.
This is the book:

Blessings on the journey~